Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
