Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
