i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
