Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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