Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
