so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
