I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he was CRYING into my vagina
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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