i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
