I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
