I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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