Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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