if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
