Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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