I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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