we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
