still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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