I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
