Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
