I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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