I will die if light touches me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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