I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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