He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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