do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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