if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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