The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
