Sponge bath it is.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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