Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
