I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
