I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
