We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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