he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
this just has baby written all over it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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