I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
