do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
