you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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