I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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