Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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