Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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