you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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