can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
