I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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