You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
