I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
