he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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