I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
