Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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