and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
