Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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