areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
