if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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