Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
